Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
