Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
