You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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