Swine flu. Run for my life!
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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