Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
