i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
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