If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
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