Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
