So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
