Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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