I hope mine doesn't look like that
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
