the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
