When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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