Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Randomize
