did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
