forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
