It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
