my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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