I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
