my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
