I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
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