All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
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