The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Randomize
