What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
So here I am, sexting at work.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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