halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
