I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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