moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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