Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
