Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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