So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
why is half of my head shaved?
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
