So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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