My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
