I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize