His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
25 People Admit the Worst Things They’ve Done for Good Reasons
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
25 Things All Men Can Definitely Agree On
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?