is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
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True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
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That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
If you need anything just hit me up
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban