Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
