My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
