i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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