remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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