Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Randomize
