She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
