Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
