while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
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What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
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Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
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