Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
found the other keg... it's in the tree
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
