I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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