I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
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you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
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I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
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