Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
