I think I won the penis lottery.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
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