I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
