Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Randomize
