Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
