Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Randomize
