So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Randomize
