My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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