I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
