Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Vodka?
Forever.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
