a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Randomize
