I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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