if you like me you must not know who I am
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I met the friendliest cop last night
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
