As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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