just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
