just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
