I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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