69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
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I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
25 Children of Helicopter Parents Admit The Most Horrible Thing They Were Put Through
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.