he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I didn't notice because vodka
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.