How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo