white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar