note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
These Attractive Criminals Took Sexy Mugshots That Made Them Famous
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?