My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.