Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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