Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
