My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
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There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
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My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
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