dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
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