its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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