nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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